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The Disciples and a Vampire (A follow on from the hell of christmas. Only a very short story)
Posted: 31 December 2011 04:50 PM   [ Ignore ]
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Kernal opened a window, to let Grubbs, Bec, himself and…Larten Crepsley threw to Lord Loss’s castle. When they got there, Art was in a cage, gaurded by Vien. “I will deal Vein.” Larten said, as he walked over to the dog and crocidile hybrid. Larten ran around Vein with fast movements, and he reached into his pocket and produced a small knife. He rammed it into the Vein’s eye, it opens and a blue jelly-like subtance comes out. He headbutted Vein, and the creature is knocked unconsious. “Wow! He is good.” Grubbs said, and Spine jumped on Grubbs’ back. He tries to drive his stinger threw Grubbs’ eyes, but Grubbs reacted fast and ripped off the stinger. Blood spurs out of Spine, Grubbs litraly took out his spine! Kernal ran to Art’s cage and broke the locks, and held him tight in his arms. Grubbs, Bec and Kernal all wonder where the hell is Lord Loss?“It’s a crule world we live in guys, and people think my kind and Grubbs’ are the cause of it. And you all asked me from the start who I am. I’m Quicksilver, a vampire. The vampire genrals belive that Lord Loss is the cause to many vampires’ death’s. I am here to stop him.“Larten said. “Ha, vampires are scum of the earth!” Lord Loss said, “YOU!” Larten shouts, and he bruns towards Lord Loss and punches his mangled face. Lord Loss was to slow, they had already passed threw the window. “They forgot somthing Lord Loss said. And Art was no more, he was now Artery again. “Welcome back.” Lord Loss said to him. Larten had failed his mission, and so did Grubbs, Bec and Kernal; the war is still on! The stories are not over!!! TOTAL DESTRUCTION is gonna be uploaded on 5th of January!!!

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BLOOD & MAGIG is all that I READ, all that I DRINK and all that I PRACTICE
Everyone’s destiny is wrote in a big story book, no matter how strong a person is pages CANNOT be torn from it…

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Posted: 01 January 2012 09:06 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 1 ]
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DID ANYONE LIKE IT?????

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BLOOD & MAGIG is all that I READ, all that I DRINK and all that I PRACTICE
Everyone’s destiny is wrote in a big story book, no matter how strong a person is pages CANNOT be torn from it…

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Posted: 01 January 2012 09:46 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 2 ]
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I like it but try adding more description and describing words to your wrting it will make is sound and flow better .

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Demons ...Demons Everywhere..

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Posted: 02 January 2012 12:36 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 3 ]
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You spelled Kernel wrong.

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“If such a thing called happiness exists in this world, it should be something which resembles the limitless nothingness. Nihility is having nothing, and having nothing to lose. If that isn’t happiness, then what is?”

- Ulquiorra Schiffer, Bleach

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Posted: 07 January 2012 07:11 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 4 ]
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You got a good few spellings wrong. I liked it other then that.

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“Knock, Knock!”- Claudia Donavan
“I’m dead anyway. I always was, right?” -Cato (District Two)

“Just this time 12! For Rue. “- Thresh (District eleven)


Pete: Oh, nice, Artie. You sure know how to take the fun out of believing in legends.
Artie: No, no, no. Some legends can have a bit of truth to them.
Pete: So—so there was a real Merlin the Magician?
Artie: Fiction.
Pete: Knights of the Round Table?
Artie: Bedtime story.
Pete: Holy Grail?
Artie: Anyway…

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Posted: 07 January 2012 07:42 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 5 ]
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Its actualy good except it is Kernel not Kernal

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“I am the sword in the darkness. I am the watcher on the walls. I am the fire that burns against the cold, the light that brings the dawn, the horn that wakes the sleepers, the shield that guards the realms of men.”

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Posted: 24 January 2012 07:06 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 6 ]
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5th of Feb, TOTAL DESTRUCTION IS COMING!!!!

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BLOOD & MAGIG is all that I READ, all that I DRINK and all that I PRACTICE
Everyone’s destiny is wrote in a big story book, no matter how strong a person is pages CANNOT be torn from it…

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Posted: 24 January 2012 07:50 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 7 ]
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It’s quite good, though a little bit rough around the edges. There is plenty of action - and above all - imagination going on here.

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Some people call me the New Roald Dahl…

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Posted: 16 February 2012 01:03 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 8 ]
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Its good, but I think you need to add a tiny bit more description, apart from thats its really GOOD! well done! Check out my RPG, that is started off, its called RPG cats.

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When I’m bored, I send a text to a random number saying “I hid the body…, now what?”

Me: I am a Ninja!
Friend: No, you’re not!
Me: Did you see me do that?
Friend: Do what?
Me: Exactly!


#1 rule in an argument: If you’re losing, start correcting their grammar.

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